I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
