Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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