nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
