It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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