the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
