Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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