I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
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Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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