what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize