i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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