eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize