I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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