He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
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