As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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