I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
