I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
