U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
