dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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