Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
