why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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