Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
