it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
And then my night got REAL pukey
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
