That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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