I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
