I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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