So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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