it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
