i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
