my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
