so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
