If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
