I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
