Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
