he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
