even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
