just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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