glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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