so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
