Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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