My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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