I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Panties = found
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
