That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
