better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
