just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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