Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
