I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize