On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
