The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just found puke in my bra..
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If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
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Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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