somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
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I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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