Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
