just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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