She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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