i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
