There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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