I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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