forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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