I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
