haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
