it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
