hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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