No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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