The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
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I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
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I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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