there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
