How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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